Some things I am learning:
Trauma is individual. It is not something that has to be universally horrific to be real. Something that traumatizes one person, may gain a minor or no response in someone else. Because none of us are alike and none of us are wired the same way, we all face the realities of this world vastly differently. I used to think that to be strong, be a survivor and be brave meant that you just keep going. No matter what. You don’t stop. You don’t give up or give in. Now, I am seeing that pushing through is not necessarily being strong. Sometimes, it’s burying things so deeply inside yourself that you become someone you never wanted to be because you just can’t stand to face the things happen to you.
I have to wake up every morning and forgive myself for being devastated by things beyond my control. Living in sadness, shame, and fear only effects me and my life. It doesn’t change the world around me. It makes me doubt myself. It creates havoc in how I see the world. It keeps me from being myself. It controls my interactions, my motivation, my physical health, my relationships, my emotions, and ultimately destroys everything I try to accomplish.
Three months ago, I wrote on my mirror “all in on me every day”. I see it every morning.
A month ago, I wrote “I forgive you” so I say it to myself every morning.
Have I had set backs? Absolutely! But am I learning to deal with them differently. Absolutely!
How I speak to myself is helping. Therapy is helping. Setting more consistent boundaries is helping. Blocking anything that does not educate me or make me feel I’m growing in to a better human being is helping.
Does it hurt to lose people I have grown to love in order to heal? Yes. Will it help me be happy?? Yes.
How are you speaking to yourself?? What do you do to inspire yourself? How are you trying to heal??
I am listening.