I’ve been hearing that starting over is the hardest thing one can do after a failure. In the last 6 months I have seemingly been trying to find my way through that failure, again and again, and again. Finally, two weeks ago I decided I couldn’t do it by myself. I hired two professionals to help guide and motivate me. I still don’t get up every morning super excited to jump in to the day, but every day now, I wake up hopeful that I can make the most of the days. It took the death of my Uncle and the ruination what I believed was a close friendship to drive me down in to disparity and ultimately to decide, I’m either going to stay where I’ve been or I’m going to go all in on myself. I’m going to be selfish. I’m going to be greedy with my thoughts, my emotions, my health, my mindset, and my heart. No more settling for or waiting for things to be how I want them. I am uniquely human with all of my flaws, idiosyncrasies, and am capable of editing in or out of my life anyone or anything that doesn’t help me be the best person I can be. I know, I’ve said all of this 100 times before, but I’ve never before asked for help. I firmly believe that with that process will come the growth, the becoming of everything I dream about in this life. My empathy will no longer be used against me as I try to be the best caregiver and partner and friend I can be. I’m going to start writing more. The truth may be ugly, but it is mine and since this is my stage, I can share as I see fit. Welcome to MY new world! It’s time to burn down the old!